


The Panic Attack

by NealsNeen



Category: The Sinner (TV)
Genre: 3x02, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, Missing Scene, Nietzsche, Nihilism, Panic Attacks, Part II, Spoilers, TV Show, The Sinner - Freeform, Whump, inner turmoil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NealsNeen/pseuds/NealsNeen
Summary: „Jamie?“, Leela says.He jerks. Becoming aware of his surroundings.„Do you listen to podcasts?“Jamie tries to control his breathing. Something's off...
Kudos: 5





	The Panic Attack

„Jamie?“, Leela says.

He jerks. Becoming aware of his surroundings.

„Do you listen to podcasts?“

Jamie tries to control his breathing. Something's off...

„No. No...“ He states, shaking his head. Beads of sweat are forming along his hairline.

He is dizzy all of a sudden, can't draw a breath.

„Excuse me, I don't feel so well.“ He gets up and walks away from the table they've been sitting at. Unsure where he is going. Just away. Away from this madness of conformity that his friends display. He had adapted to this live so perfectly. What had changed? He liked his friends. All he feels now is... what exactly? _LIES!_ It's screaming at him when he listens to their chatter about... _nothing!_

_Why can't they see and feel the truth?_

He takes some tentative steps, his legs feeling wobbly as he tries to breathe as evenly as possible. But it's like his airways are constricted. _Everything feels too tight, too narrow, restricted, unfree._

He sways from left to right as he makes his way through the living room towards the hallway. He needs air. He feels like he is trembling inside, everything is reverberating, through his whole being, shaking him to the core.

„ _... if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.“_

It's like he is standing on the edge of that bridge again, looking down onto the roaring river.

He grabs the door-frame with both hands to keep himself upright. He can't take another step... over the edge. _He already had._

He bows his head and grits his teeth, his chest intently heaving with the effort to inhale.

„Jamie?“, he hears Leela's concerned voice behind him.

He can practically see the crack in the concrete which marks the point, where to jump off … _into the abyss._

Dead, alive, chance, fate, back and forth. Where to fucking go from here? Standing on the verge. On the mountain?

„ _There is nothing to do up there but jump off.“_

He wavers, leaning back a little, his breathing labored to the extend he can feel his limbs tingling.

Back, then. To her, this life. This LIE. No, forward – something's changing within him and he can't deny it. But he's so scared. So frickin' terrified of the gaping, black nothingness, beckoning him. To just let go. What to do? He is teetering on a thin rope, trying to keep his balance –

The second Leela touches his shoulders, he falls.

The abyss closes up, transforming into the hallway floor, rushing up towards him.

He goes down, hard. Landing on his side. Reality hitting him like a brick. He still can't breathe. Why is it so damn hard?

Through hooded eyes, he can see Leela kneeling beside him, frantically calling his name, shaking him. He is too far gone to tell her that everything's okay. _That he **wants** everything to be okay again._


End file.
